The Journey to Peace
by mirajane knightwalker
Summary: I push him away and the tears in his eyes when he found me lying on the cold ground in the rain storm that became the setting for the tragic end of my innocence. I hated that look of helplessness. He couldn't do anything to help me and neither could Jacob. So that night I sat against my closed bedroom door and opened the door to my recovery. I made the first step.
1. Chapter 1

**I just finish writing this in all one go. I wrote a lot and I'm going to upload them right now as different chapters. It should be 4 to 5 chapters depending in how I want it. The first chapter is the longest it gets shorter from there but it will get long again when we get into the next setting.( read the story and next setting will make sense)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, I am not making money off of this**

 **IMPORTANT: I forgot. I'm excited to write this that why I'm up at 12:42 at night typing on my phone and listening to my love by sia. However if I don't get 2 reviews with more than 2 words I won't post any new chapters. This has quickly become my policy. Which is ironic because I just wrote my first fanfiction 4 hours ago and I already have a policy. Goodnight**

Water hits my face washing away the tears and relaxing my tense muscles. Water runs over my hair and makes its way slowly down my back like a waterfall. This is how i spend my mornings. waking up early from a restless night and basking in the warmth of the shower water. I toss my hair into a bun and put on some jogging clothes before heading out. This in the usual I wake up and shower only to jog through the forests of forks, sometimes i bring my guitar while other times i bring my sketch book. I am a normal 16 year only girl except for being able to see memories of people's life just by connecting hands with them. Only i know that i have this ability however it has lead to me being an outcast. It's not always easy to hide my ability. i have to wear long sleeves and gloves so that i don't touch people's hands. I tend to keep to myself my only friends being a shapeshifting over protective brother. Well he is not blood related or even related by marriage in the family but charlie , my father, and his father Billy are really close and we grew up together. I had lived in forks all my life but by the looks of it that was all about to change. The bullying has gotten worst over the years. I am passive, quiet and smart this makes me an easy target for bullies. It didn't help that i was actually attractive. Girls are envious and boys don't know what the word no means. however these aren't the reasons i am transferring to Denali Alaska. No I'm Moving to Denali because one of those boys who couldn't take no for an answer didn't stop at flirting, not they-. A sob breaks through me as I think back to what he did but the snapping of twigs pull me out of my stream of thought. I look up to find a hazel brown wolf staring at me with worry and compassion. returning is compassionate gaze I speak "Jake I will be fine. I'm going to be starting 11th grade so i will be back in 2 years. Plus I can shoot a gun now and I took self defense. so don't worry about me. I just need some time to mourn." He gave me a meaningful look of love. He had given me self defense lessons ever since it happened and charlie had started to teach me how to shoot and handle a gun. I still wake up screaming and i still have the nightmares but I had gotten out of my depression or at least I've gotten better at hiding it from charlie. The boys who hurt me were arrested and I know they will never hurt me again. Even so I still cry for what they took from me and if you look deep into my eyes you can still see the anguish clear in my eyes. "Bella" I look up to find that Jacob had phased back into human form. "Bella it's ok. You don't have to portend to be ok. I know that your not" he wraps his arms around me and slowly bring me in for a hug. It took my 2 months to stop flinching everyone Jake touched me. It took me 3 months to leave my house. The woods helped me heal it is peaceful in the woods and I will miss it. "I will miss these wood" he chuckled and replied with a fake hurt expression "so what am I chopped liver". I give him a small smile before saying "no you are chopped wolf" his expression changes to one of shock as I giggle before continuing "I'm joking. Of course I will miss you and Charlie but I think this change will be good for me I just have a feeling. I hear the woods there are just as beautiful as forks. "yeah. Make sure to call me. Now come on let's get you home. You still have packing to do.


	2. The months after

It's been 7 months since it happened. I didn't have any friends beside the Shape shifters at LA push so no one really visited me. No one cared. There was one person other than Jake that visited a lot though. Rosalie hale Cullen visited me more than once. We didn't talk at all in school but I noticed that I was the only person she didn't glare at and when our eyes meet her eyes are always a little kind. I was in a depression so when she walked into my room I didn't have any reaction I just looked at her and pointed to the small stack of flowers that were on my computer desk. Jake, Billy, and this girl named Angela brought me flowers as if I were sick and getting well. She looked at me with such a sad expression but unlike everyone else it wasn't pity and sadness. No, her expression was one of empathy and understanding. I didn't have the strength to get up or lift my hands to wipe the tears that started to fall from my eyes. I cried because I knew what the look in her eyes meant. I looked up at her and mustered a the strength I could to ask "does it ever get better". She looked as though she would break out sobbing at any moment. Walking towards the side of my bed she spoke "yes. With time and love. I couldn't have gotten through it without Emmett but first you have to find peace with yourself. If you don't think you are worth love you won't find it" I nod somewhat understanding. Every day since it happened I have looked in the mirror and felt nothing but disgust. I felt violated and dirty to the point where I have scratched and torn my skin while trying to wash the filth and smell of him off my skin. She had given me a strawberry scented shampoo and body wash. If it were anyone but her I wouldn't have thought anything of the gift but since I know that she understands what I'm going through I know that there is more to the gift than just its face value. For the next few months Rosalie visited me and she eventually learns about My ability when she touched my hand and saw what had happened to me. She isn't exactly human either but she won't tell me what she is. I will be moving soon, to Denali Alaska and I'm worried about what I will find there.


	3. The want to get better

The past months have been hard, they have been a struggle for me to get through. I remember when I first got the idea to go to Denali. After I woke up screaming from a nightmare Charlie like usual had come to comfort me but I didn't want him there so I told him to go away before shutting the door. I spent the rest of that night sitting against my bedroom door remembering my father's tortured expression every time I push him away and the tears in his eyes when he found me lying on the cold ground in the rain storm that became the setting for the tragic end of my innocence. I hated that look of helplessness. He couldn't do anything to help me and neither could Jacob. This fact hurt them so deeply that they couldn't hide their pain whenever I pushed them away or flinched from their touch. So that night I sat against my closed bedroom door and opened the door to my recovery. I made the first step. If I am being completely honest I don't even know what that step was but one thing I know for sure is that after that night something grew inside me. A strength a small but growing strength. The next morning I got up early and took a warm shower.

I have thought about my life before it all happen and my life after. Life is to long to spend it in sorrow and sadness. I was once such a happy child, playing and dancing in and giggling every chance I got now I cried and sobbed my life away. Don't get me wrong I know this isn't something you just let go. No one can get over having their innocents taken from them but I will not let this control me. I will not let them take away my happiness.

 **I know this is short but I wanted to end here. The next one won't be so short. Also I just want to say that the purpose of this chapter was so that the story doesn't feel to rushed. In this chapter I talked about what drove her to want to move so it doesn't seem like I'm rushing the story or like I'm making her move to danali just for the sake of meeting Kate. I do want her to meet Kate but this is also about her recovery and how she can't expect to find someone to love her if she can't love herself. (Hence Rosalie's advice)**

 **don't worry the next chapter is 20 times longer and will be posted before the end of this week.**


	4. the move

**ok so I don't have long authors notes so here we go.**

 **It turns out that I finished it tonight. I already had chapter 3 and 4 written and I just had to edit it so that's why I posted them so fast and close together.**

 **I fixed up the organization**

 **it is longer. WAY longer.**

 **enjoy review tell me what you think and want to see. Did I loose your interest or disappoint.**

 **disclaimer:I don't own and music mentioned in this fanfiction. I don't own twilight. I am also not making any money off of this.**

* * *

I gazed into the mirror taking in every detail in my appearance. I wore a black Hoodie hissing a long sleeve red shirt underneath. To match the black and red I also wore black pants the weren't exactly tight but not to baggy. I hear charlie call out for me from down the stairs. Most of stuff hand been sent with a shipping truck so I only walked with a small luggage. As I stepped out of my room and down the stairs I took in every detail I could and remembered all the memories that go along with them. The stain on the living room carpet from when Jake and I spilled beer as little kids or the measurement marks on the walls. It was as though I was seeing these memories replay right in front of me. As though I were looking at little me and Jake play with mud and grow and run around in glee. My life in this house was playing before my eyes reminding me of what I was leaving behind and what I was leaving for. As I seeing rep outside I stand tall remembering that I was leaving not to abandon these good tune but I was leaving in order to preserve them. In order to go back to the days were all in wore on my face was a gleeful smile I had to find peace with myself, with the people who had done this to me and with who I was.

* * *

 **So Bella gripped her luggage and began to put one foot in front of the other walking towards Charles car. They drove and drove. Pass the woods where Bella and Jake ran and played freely, pass forks high school, and pass the sign that said 'welcome to forks'. They drove until they reached a sign that read airport. She walked at a slow pace, fist clenched and eyes glimmering with such thick emotions. The time came for her to board the plane and while her resolve hadn't wavered the attempt to not shed tears didn't last as she hugged her father, than Jake, and finally Rosalie. She looked in to Rosalie eyes and said "when I get back I'll be better. I promise" as the words left her mouth Bella broke down tears streaming and sobs echoing. People were probably looking at her but none of them cared. Bella composed herself enough to say "I love you dad, Jake, Rosalie.". They all returned her affection and after making eye contact with her father brother and best friend Bella turned to leave. To an on looker the whole aeration looked like a normal separating family but in actuality when Bella walked away it resembled a person walking towards light and out of darkness. This would be the start if a long journey through the world of healing and love. Will Bella ever find her peace? What awaits her in the light?**

* * *

 **'** **we are almost at our destination everyone buckle up.' I could here the pilot say these words over the calming music I was listening to. Taking a deep breath I looked out my window. The site I beheld left me wide eyed like a child with my mouth open in amazement. I always had a fond appreciation for nature that others of my age did not have. So I immediately fell in love with the glimmer the snow gave off when the sun bathed it in its glowing light and the vivid shades of blue the sky managed to take on. However although the snow was breathtaking and the sky was captivating neither could compare to the sheer beauty of the forest. In my eyes even from the plane it was clear to see the natural beauty the trees held. It was clear to me that I would become very attached to the forest near Denali, Alaska. A sudden bump forced me out of my shocked state. Apparently I have been looked out the window for quite some time since we were landed. People were**

Getting off and I began to get up to when I saw a woman that reminded me of Rosalie. It's not that they looked alike but they had a lot of similar traits. Like the bright blond hair, pale skin, and the one that stood out the most to me was the trademark butterscotch eyes. Now that I think about it Rosalie was the one who got me the house she said her cousins owned it maybe that's one of them. She did say to look for someone who looked exactly like her when I got off the plane. After building up confidence and reassuring myself that the woman looked to much like Rosalie to not give it a try. So I begin to walk slowly towards the woman and find that in the moments before I reached her it seemed as though something was calling me towards her. "excuse me." I say with a slight stutter.

It was loud enough for the woman to turn and look at me. Much to my surprise she seems to know me based on my appearance as well.

" you must be Bella. My name is Tanya I'm Rosalie's cousin." she says offering me her hand in acquaintance. I accept her hand and give her a small smile before continuing our conversation.

"I really appreciate you letting me use one of your houses even if it is temporary." she looks at me before replying

"it's not really my house. My sisters and I just keep the key and watch over it for Rosalie when she wants to visit. Anyway let's get going I want to show you the surprise Rosalie got you and I hear that you like nature so I know you will like how close to the forest the house is." as she spoke I latched onto one word in particular, surprise. I hated surprises and Rosalie knew this well enough. I voice my concern

"Tanya, what exactly do you mean by surprise. Rosalie knows-" she interrupts me before i can finish

"I know. Rosalie warned me you would say that. She also told me you would try to bribe me once you saw the gift so before we get there I just want you to know I have so much money that the U.S would go bankrupt trying to bribe me."

After she finishes she wears a big smile walks towards the exit to the airport. Despite believing her words i still had to try. "So you mean to say there is no way I could bribe you into not giving me whatever this surprise is." she gives me a simple shake of the head but I press just a little more. "than will you at the very least tell me what it is." I say with a pleading tone to my voice but all I receive in return for my effort is a chuckle before she says

"then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore Bella.". I sigh and say in a quiet tone almost a whisper "that was the point." letting out another sigh I continue " I see the family resemblance". We reach her car and it only reinforces the fact that I couldn't bribe her even if I had the U.S on my side.

The drive was silent and all the entire time I sat by the window breath making fogg and eyes as excited as a child witnessing fireworks for the first time. The explosion of color and the amazement we feel when we hear the boom that is soon followed by the lucid colors flashing in the sky. These were the feelings that arose in me as we drove passed open fields off snow and reached tall slender trees. Never once did I sit back in my seat. I sat there listening to Carter Burwell's lullaby and gazing outside the window at the sky that glowed with a luminescent neon that seemed to cast a revealing light onto the darkened forest. I was so enraptured by the flowing neon lights in the sky that I failed to realize that the car had come to a stop or that Tanya had opened the door for me and was now staring at me.

"When Rosalie said you found nature to be captivating I didn't expect you to be so child-like about it. You spend no less than then the entire ride with your eyes fixated on the forest, snow, and sky." Under normal circumstances I would have been blushing and stuttering but I was to overcome by passion and emotion to realize the teasing tone of her comment.

"How could I not be captivated by such a natural beauty. It's everyday you get to see the calm innocents of nature. I know I'm going to love the weather here. Snow is slow and calming, rain is relieving and cleansing, and while the sun is revealing it cannot penetrate the mysteries of the forest." I become aware that I had gotten us far off track. She was supposed to show me the house and a surprise of some sor-...oh no the surprise I had completely forgotten.

"As much as I can connect with you love for the forest and nature I think we should get inside before you get sick. Also you have 3 days before school starts which mean you have to unpack and get used to it here in only 3 days my sisters and I aid you in your moving in."

So with that we headed inside my new home. I told Charlie, Jake, and Rosalie that I made it fine. Rosalie wanted us to go back outside to look at the surprise. This scared me for two reasons, one is because when Tanya and I walked in the first thing I saw was a beautiful brand new piano I assumed this was the surprise but now I am finding out it's not and the second reason for my fears is the fact that i had to go outside to find it. So as I made the walk around the house ,which was the perfect size for me, I dreaded every step. Saying my mind was blown would be like saying Adolf Hitler was a bad man, they are both huge understatements. As soon as I saw this 'surprise' I ran back inside, past Tanya, who seemed unsurprised by my reaction, and towards the phone where Rosalie was on hold.

" ROSALIE NO. NO WAY. NOOOOWAAY. A-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y not. "

she laughed. She is crazy to think she can just go around buying people cars. I had little to no problems with the house but a car. To top it off it wasn't a red rusty 1999 car, it was a 2008 ford fusion.

"Bella. calm down and think. How far did you and Tanya drive to get from the town to the house. I would guess at least 10 minutes without snow. Now imagine that with snow and wind. You need a car to get to and from school safely."

She was right and as much as I loved my rusty old red shelly I wasn't dumb enough to think it could make it from my house to school efficiently.

"See now go get some sleep you have a busy 3 days and an anxiety filled first day of school to look forward to." As soon as the words left her mouth a yawn left mine. I was tired but I remembered something troubling.

" Rosalie wait I forgot my sleeping pills." When the words left my mouth the atmosphere in the room changed and I cast my eyes downwards feeling that sadness crawling back into my mind. Rosalie's tone was gentle the way it always got when we talked about this topic.

"Don't worry I packed them for you eat and then drink them down with tea. There should be food in the fridge all you have to do is heat it up. ok Bella."

I gave an obedient yes before saying good bye. "oh and Bella. It's ok to want company Tanya and her sisters make great company and they don't live far. So don't try to shoulder everything on you own. ok." I fight back tears trying to be strong but my voice comes out small and soft

"ok. I love you Rosie and I'm gonna miss you. bye" she echos my words before hanging up. I turn to find that Tanya had left Rose and I to our conversation. I walked around on the mahogany floor. Making my way to the kitchen. I found Tanya standing next to a warm plate of food and a mug of tea. It was silent and not a word was spoken. I ate and changed into sleeping clothes. I was lucky that Tanya and her sisters set up my room for me.

"would you like me to stay?" Tanya asked when she reached the front door.

"no its ok. thank you for all your help though. I hope one day I can repay you, Not with money of course."

We both smile at me little pun and said our good nights. Tanya turn to leave and for a second I thought I heard her say 'you can thank me by getting better'. At this point I knew that the sleeping pills were kicking in so I walked up to my room and slipped into a quiet slumber.


End file.
